


i live more in your arms

by fairygi (wonderscape)



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M, Strangers to Lovers, best to read when you're feeling emotional, the character death is not graphic at all, there's something beautiful about it too i think, this is really sad and i cried a lot while writing it, wooyoung is beautiful, yunho is beautiful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 16:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21273911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderscape/pseuds/fairygi
Summary: wooyoung has always seen the beauty in the world, but he's never seen anything more beautiful than jeong yunho.yunho never realized how beautiful the world could be until he met jung wooyoung.





	i live more in your arms

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this almost entirely in one sitting in the middle of the night while crying my eyes out to sad songs. there's no dialogue which i know can be difficult to read but hopefully it still flows well. i poured my soul into this.
> 
> this story is based on different drawings done by this wonderful artist linked [here](https://www.instagram.com/_arinnv/). i said i was going to turn some of them into a general story plot, and this is what happened. each part corresponds to a drawing.
> 
> title is taken from "if without you" by ateez

Wooyoung sees Yunho for the first time on his university campus. Wooyoung is sitting on a bench with his sketchbook in his lap, trying to find some sort of inspiration from the slowly browning leaves of the trees that line the sidewalk and the dramatic chorus they make as cold breezes blow through them. His assignment outline is vague and only requires that his drawing be something meaningful in the real world, but meaning is easy to fluff out of anything. Wooyoung wants to draw something that is truly meaningful to him, so he sits and waits for it to come along.

He has no trouble seeing beauty in even the smallest of things, in the way a single leaf bleeds brown into red, in the wilting petals of wildflowers that sprout beside the bench, in the tiny plants reaching through the cracks in the brick sidewalk. In the rays of sunlight that break gently through the treetops or in the tiny ladybug that crawls along the bench's armrest. It's all beautiful but nothing quite has the meaning Wooyoung is searching for.

It's late in autumn and Yunho is dressed for the gradually cooling weather as he walks down the sidewalk, toes of his boots catching on the uneven brick every few steps. Wooyoung's eyes find him and he can't pull them away. A turtleneck is pulled up around Yunho’s neck and his hands stick out from jacket sleeves. His hair is soft and brown, reminding Wooyoung of the earth after a long rain.

Yunho is crying, or he was, small pools of tears only visible in his eyes when the golden light of the afternoon hit them at just the right angle. Wooyoung doesn't know Yunho, but he will. For now, he knows well enough that this is something special, something he needs to hold onto. This is the meaning he needed to find. Yunho passes him, fingers tucked under the straps of his backpack, without even glancing over once.

… 

Yunho is beautiful. Wooyoung learns so many things about the older, but this one fact sticks with him more than any other. Yunho is most beautiful when he doesn't realize he's doing anything special - when he tries to keep his eyes open after a poor night of sleep, or when his face twists in concentration as he tries to recalls a specific memory, or when he just smiles. They go places together, Wooyoung always insistent on seeing Yunho in every beautiful setting, relentless in his determination to observe Yunho standing in front of every gorgeous backdrop the world has to offer. They talk, a lot, and Yunho only grows more beautiful the more Wooyoung learns about him.

Wooyoung learns that Yunho's life was and is not wonderful. He has faced struggle after struggle after struggle but he's still here, and Wooyoung thinks there is beauty in that strength. Yunho is most beautiful when he gets a moment to breathe, when he can just inhale, close his eyes, exhale, and for a moment he doesn't have to worry about anything. Wooyoung wants to preserve that beauty, help it grow and flourish and never be dulled by the pains of life.

He learns that Yunho does not easily see the beauty in the world, but he understands that. Wooyoung is an artist, born with the innate ability to see the brighter side of things. He has had his fair share of setbacks, but he hasn't been fighting his whole life against something inevitable like Yunho has. He understands how it would be difficult to see the colorful painting of the sky when you're too busy trying to not trip over the twisting brown roots on the ground.

… 

Yunho starts to look at Wooyoung like he's beautiful. Wooyoung doesn't notice at first but it becomes more and more obvious as Yunho takes moments every now and then to just stare at him. His gentle gaze sends a dreadful red blush flooding into Wooyoung's cheeks every time it's noticed, but the reaction never seems to bother Yunho. He looks at Wooyoung like Wooyoung painted the world himself, and Wooyoung falls in love with it as quickly as he falls in love with Yunho.

… 

Seasons fade into one another. Years pass in the blink of an eye. Hair colors change, faces thin out, graduations come and go, the world keeps moving, but Wooyoung's favorite thing is still looking at Yunho. The genuine, open expressions that come alive on his face when he doesn't realize Wooyoung is watching. The way his features crinkle into an embarrassed smile when he realizes Wooyoung is. Wooyoung laughs then and Yunho pulls him into searing kisses that make Wooyoung feel like he is beautiful. If he had only one wish, he would wish to have this forever.

Wooyoung used to like being in the prettiest place he could find. The sidewalk under the falling leaves. The beaches where he first brought Yunho, under the sunrises and sunsets, the city in the early morning when everything is quiet. Now, Wooyoung likes being where Yunho is. Where he can see the starlight dancing in Yunho's eyes, the sunlight that catches in his smiles. A whole year of seasons can pass over Yunho’s face in a moment. He is mesmerizing. He is bright and beautiful and Wooyoung thinks the rest of the world should raise its standard to Jeong Yunho.

… 

Yunho lets Wooyoung paint his skin. From the very first painting Wooyoung ever showed him all those years ago, Yunho has praised his artistry and talent. The compliments make Wooyoung squirm in shy embarrassment but Yunho always seems to mean them so genuinely that Wooyoung can't help but melt at his words. Yunho looks at Wooyoung's drawings like he's reading the most captivating story he's ever come across. He reads into every stroke and color not as the artistic choices Wooyoung was always taught to see them as, but as the story they tell all together, as the message and meaning Wooyoung wants to share. Wooyoung doesn't think anyone has looked at his artwork that way before.

Wooyoung asks if he can paint on Yunho. He dips his brush into a splatter of blue paint and presses the tip to Yunho's cheek gently, focused on the way the paint smears against his skin. Yunho's skin is the best canvas Wooyoung has ever painted. Soft, warm, still reddening adorably when Wooyoung kisses the exposed stretches of it. It's impermanent but it's immortal. Even when it is washed clean, even when it is gone, Wooyoung knows he won’t forget what it looked like decorated by his own hand.

Wooyoung presses delicate blue flowers onto Yunho's skin to match his fading blue hair. he watches the flowers grow until there is a whole garden around Yunho's eyes. He trails his fingertips over them once they've dried and holds Yunho's face in his hands. Yunho is beautiful.

Yunho covers Wooyoung’s hands on his face with his own, anchoring him to the moment, and leans forward to press their foreheads together. So close like this, all Wooyoung can see are the dark waves of Yunho’s eyes surrounded by the lighthouses of flowers trying to keep him alive. Wooyoung lets his eyes flutter shut and wishes he never had to let this go

… 

They marry each other on a Saturday in the last moments of summer. Wooyoung swears no gorgeous, breathtaking thing he's ever seen has come close to Jeong Yunho standing at the altar, waiting for him in a dashing black suit. Even though things are a little heavier now, Yunho still looks at him like he's beautiful, and Wooyoung can't look away from those steady, sure eyes. He wouldn't want to even if he could.

They exchange their vows and Wooyoung only promises things he knows he can promise. He will be there until the end, he will love Yunho through everything and anything, he will not give Yunho up for the world. He had been searching for something meaningful to paint for a college art class project and he found the one thing that ended up meaning everything to him. The one thing he wants to paint for the rest of his life.

Yunho holds the beauty of the entire world under his skin.

When Wooyoung kisses Yunho under the flowered arch, the cheers of their friends and family echoing distantly somewhere far away, he holds on with his life.

… 

Yunho dies in the middle of autumn. Wooyoung has to let go. He doesn't want to and he doesn't for a long time, but eventually he releases his hold and Yunho fades into the night. Wooyoung cries until he feels empty, then cries more to fill up the void inside him with something, anything. He cries until he doesn't feel anything at all then cries so he can feel something, at least.

The things Wooyoung once found beautiful don't seem beautiful anymore. They are now imposters, simulations trying to recreate a beauty too unique and special to ever exist again. Stars don't seem as bright, the sun is not light and weightless on his skin. Waves hit against sand and the rise and fall of the sun just keep track of how long Yunho has been gone. The world is missing its eighth wonder and Wooyoung doesn't know how he's ever supposed to be satisfied with seven again.

Wooyoung exists with Yunho beside him. Even though Yunho faded from his own life he never faded from Wooyoung's. Wooyoung still sees him in the halls they covered in framed photos, on the couch they assembled and disassembled and reassembled multiple times because they couldn't read instructions, against the soft brown sheets of their bed where he always laid beside Wooyoung. 

But their lives became so entwined that he still disappeared, he still left Wooyoung walking the halls and sitting on the couch and lying in bed by himself. He is everywhere but nowhere, and every time Wooyoung tries to reach out to him, his hand just passes through air.

Yunho is gone but he isn't. Wooyoung misses him every day but he continues on, slowly trying to come to terms with a world he never wanted to see again, a world without Jeong Yunho in it.

  
  


—

  
  


Yunho never saw much beauty in the world. Maybe he didn't have the time to look for it. Maybe he didn't want to see it. Maybe he just couldn't, even if he did take a moment to finally pause and look around. Maybe it was all of it together, a system of barriers built to keep him from anything good. Sunsets were just a sign another day was coming to an end, sunrises just the beginning of more painful waking hours. The city in the early morning was just a monster ready to awaken. Beaches were just sand and water. The sky was just the sky.

Yunho lived day by day. It was all he could afford to do. Things had never been easy, and the knowledge that they would never get any easier weighed him down. He had nothing keeping him eager to live for the future. Living without hope is exhausting, and Yunho was becoming exhausted.

Then he met Wooyoung, and he found someone who could break down the barriers. Wooyoung was new and unfamiliar - he was an artist, someone whose purpose was to capture the meaning of things using colored pencils and paintbrushes. Someone unlike anyone Yunho had met before. Yunho didn't understand any of it. At least not until Wooyoung smiled shyly as he flipped open his sketchbook and pushed it towards him. Yunho curved a finger into the ringed binding, pulled the book so he could properly look at the displayed page.

Yunho had never seen anything like it. It was a sunset, colors spreading out from the ocean and sweeping against the page. Bleeding together tragically and stretching out gorgeously. Not just a sign of another day's end but the mourning of it, a dramatic grief that gave rise to the promise of renew. The promise of hope, of something fresh and beautiful that was waiting for him if he could just make it through the night. Yunho thought that if this is how the world looked through Wooyoung's eyes, it must be the most beautiful thing that ever existed.

… 

To Yunho, Wooyoung was that beautiful thing. Yunho looked at him and saw drawings done by his own hand, vast gorgeous murals painted across every surface of his heart. They reached on until Yunho couldn't see them anymore and Yunho realized for the first time in his life, he had something, someone, to look forward to. Someone to keep him going, to give him a small break when he needed one, to help him get through the pitch black hours of the night. Someone who kept him eager to live for the future, someone who _ was _ his future.

Wooyoung turned Yunho into an artist of his own kind.

Wooyoung was so beautiful that his beauty seeped into the rest of the world around him. Everywhere they went together began to have meaning beyond anything Yunho had ever given thought to before. The city in the early morning was the calm before the storm, the peaceful drop of time where the normally chaotic reality of life stood still and just existed, just breathed for a moment. Beaches were the unlikely meeting of two powerful, expansive forces, a rare point of contact that deserved to be acknowledged as the special wonders they were. The sky was a canvas. An endless place for every truth and promise and vow to be painted and kept, sometimes easy to look up and see and sometimes hidden from view, but always still there. A place that kept him connected to Wooyoung no matter how far apart they were or would ever be.

Though the realities of falling in love with Wooyoung were difficult to cope with, the act of falling in love with Wooyoung was the easiest thing Yunho had ever done in his life.

Falling in love with Wooyoung was the first wave of the many years, the many cycles of seasons, Yunho spent seeing beauty in the world. He grew in body, mind, and spirit, all with Wooyoung's hand held firmly in his. Every time he considered trying to express to Wooyoung just how he felt, he fell short, unable to find an explanation that would do his emotions justice. All he wanted was Wooyoung to understand how much he loved him. How much he cherished him, how thankful he was for every ounce of beauty Wooyoung had shared with him. How he got to live the rest of his life in the sunlight, with his head above the water, with something that reminded him to look up to the sky every now and then. How he can never repay him for the years he gave to him, the years he invested in something he knew would come to an end sooner than later. He thought that on some level, Wooyoung must have known.

How he believed, even with his new view of life, that Jung Wooyoung was the most beautiful thing the world had ever come up with.

  
  


—

  
  


Winter passes in dull, bland colors. Spring comes gently, carefully, with arms held out like they’re ready to catch something. Wooyoung remembers what Yunho looked like in this season. He imagines what he would look like now, in the soft mornings that grow lighter and warmer as each one passes. Faded blonde hair, dressed probably for weather colder than the gentle beginnings of new days. Skin pink, fingers reaching for his, eyes trained carefully on his face. Looking at Wooyoung like he used to, in summer then autumn then winter then spring then all over again. Thinking about him soothes the ache in his chest but makes it twist in a new way that hurts just as much.

Wooyoung walks down the sidewalk he'd spent so many years sitting beside. The first signs of life are re-emerging on the trees that arch even farther over the path than they had way back then. They practically form a canopy now, but thin rays of sunlight still break through and dance along the the ground in a delicate waltz.

Wooyoung sits on the bench he'd sat on all those years ago. With a sketchbook on his lap, pencil tapping against the paper. Waiting for the inspiration to hit him, waiting to find something meaningful enough to be worth drawing. Waiting for someone he never knew he needed.

Without meaning to, he looks to the left, and he sees flashes of Yunho with his dark hair and turtleneck and hands grasping the straps of his backpack. Back when Wooyoung’s hair was purple and the last patches of baby fat clung to his cheeks. When they were so much younger, with so much to learn and so many years ahead of them.

But that had been in autumn and now it is spring, and he feels Yunho sitting beside him on the bench. The metalwork arms have rusted a little since that day but neither of them mind. It's a little more uncomfortable than Wooyoung remembers but he doesn't mind that either. He plays through all those years, every up and down and discovered truth and adjusted lens. Every rise and fall of the sun that matched the rise and fall of their chests, the sound of the waves as they walked on the sand hand in hand. The ocean of love they shared together. Wooyoung just sits and enjoys the smell of warmth and the promise of new sunrises to come. He breathes in deeply and enjoys sitting there with Yunho.

And then Yunho is gone. Wooyoung stays on the bench by himself and watches the budding blue flowers that have begun to grow on the other side of the path. With the ghost of a smile on his lips, he realizes he thinks they are beautiful.

...

**Author's Note:**

> never once in my many years on this site did i think i would write something with the major character death warning. i am terrified of killing characters and avoid major character death fics like the plague, but for some reason this is just how it worked out.
> 
> thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed it. you are beautiful ♡


End file.
